


Dark Reflections

by PattRose



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: AU, Angst, Comfort, Gen, Mean spirited, Mix-up, Pre-Slash, Terrible language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/PattRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim Ellison thinks his life and job is perfect. Then this <br/>day happened. </p><p>Warning: If you're expecting warm, fuzzy or funny, don't read any <br/>further. This is a serious one. But as always, I try to make them <br/>end well. You tell me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Reflections

Dark Reflections  
Patt

 

Acknowledgments: Thank you SWD for giving me the budge to write this. It was on the Sent-Wheel-Lyric list.   
Thank you also for the wonderful lyric's that made me so sad.   
We're sick aren't we? This is more or less pre-slash. The NC-17   
rating is for the language and angst. 

Warning: If you're expecting warm, fuzzy or funny, don't read any   
further. This is a serious one. But as always, I try to make them   
end well. You tell me. 

Summary: Jim Ellison thinks his life and job is perfect. Then this   
day happened. 

Warnings: m/m, h/c, AU, angst

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dark Reflections  
Patt

 

Blair was sitting at his desk trying to get caught up on he and Jim's   
paperwork. _Hot damn; just about done. Way to go, Sandburg._ A   
shadow covered his paper and he looked up and said, "Can I help you?"

"Detective Sandburg?" the young man asked. 

"Yes, who are you?" Blair stood up to meet this man. 

"I'm Detective Devon Belanti, from Homicide. I was wondering if I   
could talk to you in private?" Devon led the way to the interrogation   
room. 

_Oh shit... Please tell me it's not Jim. God, tell me it's not  
Jim. _ He walked in and sat down at the table. 

"First of all Sandburg get that look off your face, nothing happened   
to your partner." Devon smiled and sat down too. 

"So what's up?" Blair wanted to find out and get back to what he was   
doing. 

"I wondered if you think I'm his type," Devon said softly. 

"Excuse me?" Blair shouted, "whose type?"

"Ellison's. I thought we were on the same page," Belanti said. 

"Hell we're not even in the same book, let alone a page. Now why in   
the world would you think Detective Ellison would be interested in   
you?" Blair crossed his arms over his chest and waited to hear. 

"I caught him looking at me today," Belanti said quickly. 

"So Jim happened to glance your way and you jump to that conclusion?"   
Blair was finding himself angrier than he had thought he would be. 

"While in the locker room, he was in the shower across from me and he   
kept looking over at me and then I looked down and he was hard. Then   
he looked over at my package and that's when he realized I was   
watching him," Belanti said. 

"I just don't even know what to say to this. All I can say is he's   
never dated men before, but what the fuck do I know?" Blair stormed   
out of the interrogation room and made way to Simon's office. 

Leaving a very baffled Belanti behind. "So do I ask him out or not?"

"I don't give a fuck," Blair hollered over his shoulder. _What a  
moron. _

He knocked on Simon's door and when Simon yelled, "Come in," Blair   
walked in and sat down. 

"Well I'm glad your comfortable Sandburg." Simon growled. 

"Sir, I have to go and check out some leads, so I need to leave,"   
Blair opened the door. 

"Sandburg, close the door," Simon said softly. 

Blair closed it and stood there looking lost. "Wanna tell me what   
this is about?" Simon inquired. 

"Nothing sir. I need to do some things," Blair again headed for the   
door. 

"Blair?"

"What?" _This is bad, he's calling me Blair._

"Are you leaving the loft?" Simon almost whispered. 

"Yes and please don't tell him," Blair opened the door and flew out   
of the room. 

"Oh fuck... I hate days like this." Simon slammed his door shut and   
prayed Jim wouldn't show up at all. _Good one, Banks. Like your  
lead Detective won't show up. Right. _

Blair rushed home so that he could start packing. _Fuck. This is  
my home. Now I have to leave. I hate him so much. _

Jim got to the station and asked Rafe, "Where's Sandburg?"

"Hell if I know," Rafe said walking away. 

"Brown, do you know where Sandburg is?" Jim called across the room. 

"Do I look like his keeper, Ellison?" Brown answered. 

Joel walked into the bullpen and Jim asked, "Joel, have you seen   
Blair?"

"No, not for a few hours. He was talking to that nice new Detective   
in Homicide. I haven't seen him since." Joel walked to the break   
room, hoping there would be some cake left. 

Jim knocked on Simon's door and heard, "Come in."

"Hey Simon, you haven't seen my partner have you?"

"I would hope so, I'm the Captain," Simon said sourly. 

"All right, what is going on?" Jim asked nervously. 

"There was this cop from Homicide in today. Think his name is   
Belanti and he took Sandburg into an interrogation room. When they   
came out, Sandburg was so pissed that he had to leave. So he took   
the day off."

"Belanti was here? Why?" Jim asked. 

"I don't know Jim. I don't even know him," Simon again was getting   
very tired of the mess Jim was in right now. "Did you fuck someone   
and they whined to Sandburg? Is that what happened, Jim?"

"No, sir. I've never fucked him. I don't even really know him. I   
see him around but I don't know him," Jim was pleading for Simon to   
believe him. 

"Well for whatever reason, Sandburg was very pissed off and he left,"   
Simon hoped this would be the end of it. 

"Left? The job? The loft? What?" Jim now was standing right in   
front of Simon's desk with his hand down on the surface. "Simon,   
tell me what's going on."

"He's not leaving the job, Jim. Calm down. Now go and finish your   
work," Simon hoped he wouldn't notice the omission. 

"He's moving out of the loft?" There were tears in Jim's eyes. 

"Jim, you start crying in here and I swear to god, I'll kick your   
ass. I won't allow it," Simon snarled at him this time. 

Jim stood straighter and said, "Could I please take off now, sir? And   
real men don't cry, Simon. I have allergies."

"Yeah, right! Now go," Simon pushed him out the door and hoped they   
could work it out. 

Jim got on the elevator and Detective Belanti jumped on and   
said, "Hey Jim."

"Hey," Jim said quietly and looked at the floor. 

"You're a shy guy aren't you?" Devon asked him. 

"Not normally, no," Jim said still looking at the floor. "What did   
you want with my partner this morning?"

"Oh I just told him about the locker room thing and asked him if I   
was your type," Belanti answered. 

"You what?" Jim yelled. 

"Well you seemed very interested this morning," the younger man   
smiled. 

"Haven't you ever had thoughts of someone else while you're in the   
shower. I might have glanced at you, but it wasn't you," Jim was   
getting more pissed by the minute. 

"So you don't want to go out?"

"No, I don't want to go out. God, I hate this shit," Jim muttered. 

"I better warn you, your partner didn't know you were gay and he was   
pissed," Belanti said. 

"I could just kick your ass. First of all, I'm not gay. Second of   
all, why would you ask my partner?" Jim really did want to know this   
one. 

"Well everyone sees how close you are, so I figured if anyone knew,   
he would," Belanti offered. 

"Well he's moving from his home because of it and he hates me," Jim   
was suddenly so sad. 

"Would you like me to stop by tonight and talk to him. I could   
explain the mix-up," Devon bounced a lot like Blair and that unnerved   
Jim. 

"No...." Jim said shortly. 

Devon walked down to Jim's truck with him and tried to calm the man.   
They stood there talking and Devon leaned into Jim and kissed him   
softly. 

"Just think on it, Jim. I'm patient," and Belanti was gone. 

Jim laid his head on his steering wheel and wondered why he was even   
considering it. 

Jim headed home to see if he could repair the damage that had been   
done. 

!!!!!!!!!!!

Blair had about five boxes packed and he had a pretty good pity party   
going when Jim walked in. Only problem is he didn't hear Jim. He   
had his music too loud. 

"Cock tease, fucking fag, whore. I can't believe I lived with this   
piece of shit this long without knowing,"

Jim turned the stereo down and Blair jumped, "Why not scare a person,   
man?"

"Where you going Chief?"

"Oh well you know I felt like it was time for me to move on," Blair   
continued packing. 

Jim opened the first box and began to unpack. "Hey, fag-boy, put   
that back."

Jim ignored the name-calling and put things back in drawers and on   
shelves. "Jim, I'm going to call Simon."

"Fine, he can help," Jim said quietly. 

Blair picked his phone up and said, "Simon could you please come over   
here. Yes, to the loft. Jim's here and he's being a fucking prick,   
which works since he's gay now. Anyhow, he needs to leave me alone   
so I can get this packed. He unpacked the stuff I packed." 

"Sandburg, I'm not your mommy. Handle this yourself," Simon hung up   
and roared. He could just see Jim unpacking everything Sandburg had   
just packed. 

"Well I see who he likes more. Fuck you Ellison I'll leave   
everything here," and Blair turned around and started to leave the   
room. 

Jim grabbed him and said, "No, not like this. We have to talk   
first. Then if you want to leave, I'll help you pack."

"Serious? You would help me pack?" Blair asked. 

"Yes," Jim said sadly. 

"Okay, then let's fucking start now. I'm not talking about anything   
Jim. You can't force me to stay here," Blair tried to get out of   
Jim's arms again. 

Jim drug Blair out to the living room and shoved him down on the   
chair. "Now, I want you to tell me why you hate the idea of me being   
gay so much."

"Why? Why? Did you say Why? You my man, are a fucking dick head,"   
Blair stared at the floor. 

"Blair, answer me please?" Jim was sitting now too. 

"Fine, when little cutesy Devon Belanti came to see me, I swear to   
god I wanted to shoot him. He talked about how he saw you naked and   
you liked checking him out and you were hard. Devon was so fucking   
pleased with himself. And what kind of cop goes to another cops   
partner to ask them about the gay thing? Devon's an idiot and an   
asshole. Were you checking him out?" Blair was finally winding down. 

"No, I wasn't checking him out. But I was hard. I had someone on my   
mind and it got out of hand," Jim blushed heatedly. 

"What do you mean it got out of hand?" Blair asked. 

"I jerked off in the shower," Jim's head was hanging. 

"And?" Blair asked. 

"And nothing, that's enough. Jesus he saw me jack off. He saw me   
come," Jim stood up. 

"So who were you thinking about anyway?" Blair asked. 

"Like that matters, Chief. What are we going to do about this?" Jim   
spread his hands wide, making a point that he didn't want his Guide   
leaving home. 

"We'll talk about that later. I want to know who has you this hot?"   
Blair demanded to know. 

"You don't know her. I just met her," Jim said with an odd look on   
his face. 

"You fucking liar, it's a guy isn't it? You are gay, aren't you?"   
Blair again demanded to know. 

"First of all I've not been with anyone in a long while, but since   
when have you hated gays so much?" Jim asked with a hurt look on his   
face. 

"I don't hate gays. I hate fags. There's a difference," Blair   
stormed back into his room and started to pack. 

Every thing he put in, Jim would take out. "Would you explain to me   
what is the difference? I'm having some gay feelings but I don't   
want to be a fag. Oh fuck it I am a fag. Go ahead and move," Jim   
threw a statue across the room and it broke into a million pieces. 

"You're going to pay for that," Blair yelled. 

"I bought it, asshole," Jim yelled back. 

"God, I can't get out of this place quick enough. And you know what   
else? I'm leaving Major Crime. Maybe I'll work with fucking Devon,"   
Blair continued to pack and he realized that Jim wasn't there   
anymore. He looked out and saw the empty living room and then walked   
upstairs and saw Jim sitting on his bed quietly. 

Blair walked over and got this beautiful statue off of his dresser   
and threw it across the room, breaking it. 

"You didn't give me that," Jim hollered. 

"No, that bitch you were married to did. I hated it," then Blair   
picked up another statue and he tossed it and it broke into a million   
pieces. 

"Carolyn didn't give me that." Jim said. 

Blair picked up a picture of he and Jim on the fishing trip and threw   
it across the room. Now Jim ran to it and picked it up to see if it   
was all right. "Jesus, Chief, this is the only thing I have of me   
and you."

"And like you care?" Blair was so distraught. _What am I doing?_

_Reflecting on all of my mistakes._ Blair thought to himself. 

"Of course I care, asshole," Jim screamed and ran down the stairs and   
Blair didn't know what to expect. Then he heard Jim tearing all of   
the dishes and glasses from their cabinets. Everything was getting   
tossed. Then as Jim got angrier he started throwing heavy glass   
steins at the windows. All windows', mirrors and glass of any type   
were gone. 

Jim was panting the whole time and Blair could hear him   
upstairs. "I'm not a fucking fag. I'm not a fucking fag. Jesus,   
I'm not a fucking fag." Blair could hear the tears in that voice and   
new that Jim was on the verge of breaking. 

The phone rang and Blair grabbed it and said, "Sandburg,"

"Sandburg, I'm downstairs, someone called the police and I take it   
someone's not getting along. I'll be up in a minute,"

"Simon? I don't think you should," Blair whispered. 

"Why? What's wrong, Blair?"

Blair knew he was worried; he called him Blair. "Simon, Jim's really   
upset and I don't want anything bad to happen. I'll go down in a   
minute."

"Where are you?" Simon asked worried to death. 

"I'm in his closet in his bedroom and I think he wants to kill me. I   
said terrible things to him. I called him terrible names," Blair   
started to cry. 

"Sandburg I'm coming up,"

"No, not yet. Let me think of something to say. Something to do,"   
Blair then began to sob, so hard that Simon's heart broke. _  
Reflecting on all of my mistakes._

A large arm went around him and pulled him out of the closet. Jim   
grabbed the phone and said, "Come on up, Simon, I'm not armed."

Jim laid on the bed holding Blair firmly against him and kept telling   
the young man how sorry he was. Simon walked in the front door and   
couldn't believe what was before him. He walked right up to Jim's   
room and said, "I'm going to take him to my place for awhile,"

Jim kissed the top of Blair's head and said, "Be well, Chief," 

He followed both of them down and then he shut and locked the door.   
He walked back upstairs and held on to his picture. 

!!!!!!!!!!

In the parking lot Simon said, "What the fuck happened?"

"It's what happens when you try to fuck up another person's life.   
See I've wanted Jim for a long time, but he's into chicks. So I just   
went on. I like women, so it's not like a hardship. Then that Devon   
guy comes in and tells me that Jim wanted him. First I was pissed,   
and then I was upset that I never noticed and lastly, I was so   
fucking jealous, it wasn't even funny. So I said horrible things to   
Jim and we're talking horrible with a capital H."

"Sandburg you said he was going to kill you. Why did you think   
that?" Simon asked, still not moving away from the loft. 

"I heard him yelling about don't you worry about it you piece of   
shit, you're going to die soon," Blair shivered as he repeated. 

"Sandburg, he was talking about himself," Simon whispered. 

"Oh fuck..." and both men ran up the stairs. 

They got to the door and they both heard a gun   
discharge. "Fuck..."Simon busted the door in yelling, "Jim."

"What?" Jim said from the bathroom doorway. 

"Shit..." Blair said as he went to Jim and put his arms around him.   
Then he pulled away and started to punch him really hard. Blair   
slugged Jim's face and then started on Jim's chest. 

"Chief, that fucking hurts," Jim said. 

"Good, you fucking scared us shooting the gun," Blair scolded him. 

"I didn't shoot it, I dropped it and it went off," Jim explained. 

Blair looked into the bathroom and saw a bullet hole through the   
mirror and he said, "Why did you shoot your reflection?"

"Why not, Chief? You hate me now. Everyone else will too," Jim   
pulled away and walked past Simon. 

"Well see that's the sticky part," Blair started. 

"What?" Jim wanted them gone. 

"I realized I was jealous and I love you," Blair waited to hear what   
he would say. 

"Yeah, right," Jim said very sarcastically. 

"Jim, he told me. Why would he lie to his boss?" Simon tried to   
help. 

"He called me a fucking fag, Simon," Jim looked heartbroken. 

"And he's sorry, but if you think about it, you might become one if   
you give this a chance," Simon smiled, but didn't get one back from   
Jim. 

"He called me a whore. Jesus, I would never do anything cheap with   
him," The heartbroken man walked into the bathroom and slammed the   
door. 

Simon and Blair both heard Jim ranting at the same moment. "And he   
called me a piece of shit. He thinks I'm a piece of shit. I am a   
piece of shit," Jim continued to rant. 

Blair opened the door and found it unlocked and walked in and   
said, "Can I touch you?"

"Why?" Jim really wondered. 

"Because I'm in love with you, man. I want to be in your life and we   
need to talk about this," Blair moved in and put his arms around Jim. 

Jim held on to Blair and felt himself losing control even more. "I   
was going to do it, Chief?"

"Oh Jim, never kill yourself over anyone," Blair said. 

"No, dating Devon Belanti. I figured as long as I was all of those   
things you said, I might as well try it. See if I liked it," Jim   
looked down at Blair. 

"Mention Devon Belanti again, and I'll bite off your dick and it   
won't be for fun," Blair snarled. 

"God, you think that would be fun?" Jim asked seriously. 

"No, but it's got you thinking now," Blair smiled into Jim's sad   
face. 

"Well I can see you men are going to have a really nice   
relationship. Never any talk of beatings, screaming or biting off   
dicks. Good to know. Now I leave you both to figure all of this out   
and clean this place up," Simon had his say and left. 

"I love you, Chief," Jim truly meant it. 

"I love you," Blair returned those feelings. 

"Let's get busy and get the house in order," Jim started getting   
things ready for the trash and the sweeping. This was going to be a   
huge job, but it wouldn't much matter. Both men needed something to   
do while they talked. This would give them plenty of time. 

End Dark Reflections

 

_One Last Breath  
Creed_

_Please come now I think I'm falling  
I'm holding to all I think is safe  
It seems I found the road to nowhere  
And I'm trying to escape  
I yelled back when I heard thunder  
But I'm down to one last breath  
And with it let me say  
Let me say_

_Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking  
That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down_

_I'm looking down now that it's over  
Reflecting on all of my mistakes  
I thought I found the road to somewhere  
Somewhere in His grace  
I cried out heaven save me  
But I'm down to one last breath  
And with it let me say  
Let me say_

_Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking  
That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down_

_Sad eyes follow me  
But I still believe there's somthing left for me  
So please come stay with me  
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me  
For you and me   
For you and me_


End file.
